What is intentional living?

Of course this will look a little bit different for everyone because we all value different things. However, no matter what your goals are or what your ideal life looks like, intentional living all comes down to being more mindful and present with how you spend your time each day. 

Have you ever felt like you are just drifting through life, doing what is expected of you and rarely stopping to think about what actually brings you happiness and fulfillment?

You’re definitely not alone – it happens to the best of us, and we can get stuck in routines that lead to going through our days on autopilot.

I found myself in this space all too often not too long ago, and it was such a frustrating feeling. I knew I wanted to make a change, but I felt so stuck.

I had worked really hard to get to where I was in my career, had put lots of effort into my friendships, and tried to make time for things that I enjoyed most in life like traveling, rock climbing and snowboarding. 

Why then, did I feel like I was doing it all wrong? 

I began to realize that I had been so focused on living up to other people’s expectations that I didn’t make time to reflect on what mattered the most to me.

I found that the most important starting point for me was to get clear on what I placed value on in life, even if it was drastically different from what I thought my friends or family wanted or expected from me, and start building my life around those values. And so my intentional living journey began.

This does not mean that you need to have a five or ten year plan with specific goals – far from it. It simply means that finding clarity around what is important to you will help to lead you in the right direction, even if you don’t yet know what the destination is. 

Ready to take some steps to get started with intentional living? Start with the 5 tips below and then download the intentional living checklist found at the end of this post!

1. Identifying Your Values

Arguably the most important step to getting started on the intentional living journey is to identify your values. If you can’t pinpoint what you value in life, you’ll end up building your life around other people’s values. 

Think about what you are most passionate about, what feels fulfilling to you, and the type of person you would like for others to describe you as.

It is also helpful to narrow down your list – if you choose 10 different values, it becomes difficult to focus on any one area. Instead, try to focus on what might encompass the many things that are important to you. For example, my initial list might look like:

• Family
• Traveling
• Friendships
• Yoga
• Climbing
• Learning
• Compassion
• Trust
• Independence

I can then reframe this list into two or three values, and add context as to what areas of my life will be positively impacted by focusing on this value:

• “I value growth because it means I am committed to learning and getting better every day. Focusing on growth will help me gain independence and build a life in which I get to spend more time traveling, climbing, and practicing yoga.”

• “I value connection because we as humans are wired to thrive off of meaningful relationships. Having a life full of adventure would mean nothing if I didn’t have people in my life to share that with. If I am mindful about how my actions affect others and put energy into being present for my family and friends, I hope that the people in my life find me to be compassionate and trustworthy.” 

Being able to narrow down your  values is crucial. Mark Manson has a unique but effective perspective on this, as described in the linked blog post which inspired his book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck.

The main message from this book is not to not care about anything in life (as the title might suggest), but to more carefully choose what you do place value on and stop putting energy into what is less important to you. 

2. Shifting Your Mindset

Having the right mindset is so important when it comes to intentional living. If you set an intention for yourself and you aren’t seeing the progress you’re hoping for immediately or can’t seem to stick to, it can be easy to get discouraged and think that you don’t have what it takes to follow through with it.

Let’s say that you’ve decided to start eating healthier and exercising for thirty minutes a day in an effort to lose weight and gain more energy. After a couple of weeks of consistently putting in the effort, you do feel healthier and more energetic overall, but you haven’t lost any weight.

Many people would fall into a fixed mindset and think that they aren’t capable of getting down to their goal weight because they’re not seeing any results.

However, a person with a growth mindset would recognize that not the same process works for everyone. They might see the fact that they are feeling more energetic as a sign that they are on the right path, and look for ways to adjust their diet and exercise routine until they find what works for them. 

Those in the fixed mindset often give up on goals that are important to them before they’ve even given themselves a chance to succeed, while people who embrace a growth mindset and are willing to continuously push themselves outside of their comfort zone may end up living their wildest dreams. 

3. Aligning Your Actions to Your Values

Aligning your actions to what you value on a day to day basis can be one of the hardest steps, especially if you’ve been living on autopilot for a while.

It’s so effortless to fall into the trap of hitting snooze, sleeping until the last possible minute, rushing to work or school, and going straight to the couch when you get home to binge Netflix or scroll through social media after a long day.

This is where “living with intention” truly comes into play. It takes a conscious effort to break a cycle like the one described above, especially when it has been your routine for so long. 

Begin to ask yourself if your day to day actions are reflective of how you actually want to be spending your time. Does watching three episodes of your favorite show and eating takeout get you closer to the person you want to be, or is it just easier than going to the gym and preparing a healthy meal? 

Slowly make changes to your routine to replace the actions that aren’t adding value to your day. 

For me, one small but important step was to set my phone on the other side of the room when I went to bed. The purpose of this was twofold: I didn’t spend half an hour mindlessly scrolling through social media before falling asleep, and it forced me to get up when my alarm went off instead of hitting snooze for an hour before actually getting out of bed. 

This freed up time for me to implement morning and evening routines involving actions that are valuable to me, such as stretching, reading, and practicing mindfulness. 

4. Realizing Happiness Comes from the Process, not the Result

“When you fall in love with the process rather than the product, you don’t have to wait to give yourself permission to be happy. You can be satisfied anytime your system is running.”

James Clear, Atomic Habits

Lots of great personal development writers have focused on this concept, and with good reason. Many have said that “happiness is not a solvable equation”, and the problem is that so many people think that it is.

We place our hopes and dreams into certain outcomes, and think that once we get the raise or buy the house or find the perfect partner, we’ll finally be happy.

The reality is that that isn’t the way the world works – soon after achieving something we once thought would make us endlessly happy, we are often again dissatisfied and have found something new to focus our attention on. 

Rather than holding out hope  for fleeting future happiness, focus on ways to find joy in the process. 

Let’s go back to the goal of losing weight. Instead of waiting to hit that goal weight to be happy, find ways to enjoy yourself along the way.

Intentional living doesn’t have to be overwhelming or complicated. Plan to cook a healthy meal with a friend once a week. Find ways to stay active that don’t feel like a workout if you have trouble motivating yourself to go to the gym (activities are often best for this – my personal favorite is rock climbing, but this might look like joining a recreational sports team or finding a group of people to go hiking with). 

The more intentional you are about building processes you look forward to every day, the more likely they will be to stick with you well beyond reaching your initial goal. 

One of my all time favorite quotes captures this idea so well: 

5. Showing Up for Yourself Every Day

Intentional living is an iterative process. You don’t just spend one day setting a bunch of goals and identifying habits you want to change; you have to be mindful every day about if your choices are bringing you closer to the person you want to be. 

If you find that they’re not, start making different choices. At the end of each day, reflect on what went well and what you’d like to do differently tomorrow.

It’s also incredibly important to recognize that we all have off days – it is a part of being human. Give yourself grace during these days, and don’t let them discourage you from getting back to your best self the next day. 

At the end of the day, you are responsible for the life you are creating. Each day brings a chance to learn something new, to show the people around you how much you care, to spend time doing things that light you up inside. 

Final Thoughts

To live your life with intention means being authentic to who you are, being mindful of your choices, and acting with purpose.

Intentional living means showing up to your life each day ready to put in the effort; no one else is going to do it for you. Show up for yourself day after day – because although the days may go by fast, they are what life is made of. 

What actions will you take today to get started on your intentional living journey?

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